At this point I hardly expect that Mr. Cent will have to die trying in his quest to get rich, and neither will Sierra. White suburban teenagers in FUBU jackets will fly to this game like Eliot Spitzer to a brothel, only to sell it back to Blockbuster or Game Crazy like the dried-up whore that it is. The only people who won't get rich in this whole deal are said white teenagers, who will get a quick cheap thrill before realizing that they're wallets were stolen when they were asleep. Then they'll go to Gamespot or IGN to
vent their impotent frustrations.
Okay, I'll quit beating that metaphor. Prediction: This game will suck, but it will rake in tons of cash while quality titles are ignored. I'm against almost all regulations, but I wish that the industry would at least put some sort of moratorium on celebrities in games.
Here are two more Hitman videos, this time from Silent Assassin, the second installment of the series.
The setup for the first:
Agent 47 slipped on a turd at Beldingford Manor and broke his tail bone, so the Agency hired Larry. Larry followed instructions quite well on this mission, so we hired him for another mission, which he did a little too well.
Those that know me are aware that my house was burglarized on March 12th while I was returning from SXSW. For the uninitiated, my house was broken into around 2:30-3:00pm and they made off with my xbox 360, an old powerbook (which they grabbed the wrong charger for) and ripped my TV right off the wall. Needless to say it was shitty news to come home to, but things can be replaced and I was happy that my dog, who was downstairs at the time, wasn't hurt.
Knowing full well that the detectives couldn't be counted on to "search" for the stolen items I took it upon myself to call around to the local pawn shops and the very first one I called (Thanks Google Maps!) recalled a young white man who came in trying to sell a G4 Powerbook but the battery was dead and he didn't have the right charger (clue 1) so he decided not to buy it. He also noted that the screen wouldn't stay up on its own (clue 2), which is the reason it was replaced with a MBP. I immediately knew it was the laptop that was taken from my house and started asking about cameras in the store and if they would be willing to let me somehow get a picture of this guy. The guy working there wasn't sure how to get the images off the security system machine so I took down a digital camera and got some second hand shots off the monitor as well as some video.
I'm sure that on April 29th people will be murdering each other to get a copy of Grand Theft Auto IV, and with good reason: GTA is one of the few gaming franchises that has never disappointed. Every version has always been an improvement over the last, if we don't count the portable spin-offs, and it's always fun to play the bad guy. After all, who hasn't played even so innocuous a title as The Sims without doing something evil? It's fun.
I won't be waiting in line, though. First of all, the damn game is going to sell out at every retail store on the planet within two minutes, and they won't restock it for at least a month. This was my experience with both Vice City and San Andreas. It's like trying to see a long-awaited movie on opening night. Why bother fighting the crowds when you can just wait a few weeks and get the exact same product? I'm sure I'll buy it at some point, because it probably will be awesome, but I see no reason to be trampled in the process.
This is just one example of how stupid the hype around this game is. It's every bit as stupid as the Halo edition of the 360. Seriously, are these things going to become collectors' items one day? They're electronic gizmos. It doesn't matter if it has a fancy decal for an extra hundred dollars, because we all know that the thing will be obsolete in a few years anyway. My 360 is the old white model, and it works just fine without any customization. My only complaint is that I bought it before it came with an HDMI output, but that's just another example of how good Microsoft is at screwing things up and pissing off customers. (How did this Gates guy become the richest man in the universe again?)
Count me out. I have enough games to last well into summer, when all this will die down. That being said, here is some footage from the first GTA and the latest to show just how far we have come in only a few years. I can't say I'm not just a little excited.
I'm in the eye of the hurricane right now, having just turned in a final paper this afternoon and awaiting the flood of student papers and flurry of grading that will begin Friday. I haven't had much blog time, but I rarely do any serious work after about 6:00, so that's when I usually make game videos. Lately I've been piggybacking on Orlando by making YouTube responses to his awesome Hitmanwalkthroughs, which has been a pleasant diversion. Here are two of the videos I've made in the last two days. They are nowhere near as long as the first one, so I'm not asking you to sit through twenty minutes of me messing around.
Description of the first:
Agent 47 blew off one of his toes while cleaning his Silverballers, so the Agency recruited Steve. He did his job well enough, but we think he's seen The Godfather too many times.
Agent 47 had a contract to take out a 400 pound opera singer. When he garotted her, she fell backwards and broke three of his ribs, so we had to find yet another replacement.
Zeke seemed like a good candidate: very professional, a bit on the quiet side and proficient with firearms.
The ensuing chaos was totally unexpected. When we asked Zeke why he did what he did, he said, "All sinners shall burn. I am an agent of the Lord." The name should have been a tip-off. He is now at the bottom of a lake, as per Agency orders.
What can I say? I love these games, whether playing in stealth mode or psychotic freak mode. Once I figure out how to do a mission in stealth, I usually revert to psycho-killer. It must be an unbridled id thing.
I am quite glad that I never forked out the two hundred dollars for the Xbox 360 HD DVD player, because now, as everyone knows, the format has gone down the toilet. That being said, when I saw that the price had dropped to fifty bucks and realized that HD DVD was about to go through a fire sale, I figured that buying cheap wasn't such a bad investment, so I ordered the player through Circuit City and it arrived a few days ago.
My impressions: I really can't tell the difference between HD and regular DVD, except to say that the former definitely has better sound quality. Any DVD mastered in HD will probably look just as good as an HD DVD, unless you own some sort of ninety-inch TV that is worth more than both of my kidneys. But, I picked the thing up and the movies are on sale, so here is my tiny HD DVD library so far:
300 Blade Runner (5 disc set) Dawn of the Dead (2004 remake) Enter the Dragon King Kong (it came with the player) Land of the Dead Shaun of the Dead
I am also proud to announce that I now own the entire George Romero Dead series, as well as the Evil Dead trilogy. Finals are for losers.
I was bored...Okay, bored isn't the right word. I was lazy and decided to make a video of a mission from Hitman: Blood Money wherein I play as Todd, the most incompetent hitman in the world. It started as a lark, but eventually took me almost a day to edit (and the damn thing still doesn't look right.) I guess this is just more practice until I figure out what I'm doing.
This demo was actually the inspiration for this series of videos I plan to make. It was just that dumb. Basic overview: The graphics suck, the dialog is sub-moronic, the friendly AI is dumber than a bag of rocks being beaten with a box of hammers, and the enemy AI is worse.
This is the first official review of the series, and it's over a week late, since the game launched at the end of February. (Here is one of many nasty reviews of the game as a whole.) Also, it's a bit rough around the edges because it's the first time I mixed video with my own audio, but I hope it's still enjoyable. Things will improve with practice. And now....Conflict: Denied Ops.